Friday, 30 April 2010

You Lift Me Up....

I am a daft egg aren't I....

Thank you so much for lifting me up from the crumpled heap that was I on the floor. Boy when I deep think, I surely do it in style. I think this lovely lady hit the nail on the head. I was/am going through a mini mid life crisis, albeit maybe not a very long standing one, but one all the same. I have been feeling a little like a caterpillar, waiting and yearning to evolve into a beautiful butterfly. Like this book, a favourite bedtime read in the Poppins household, I love getting to the last page to see the beautiful butterfly in all it's magnificent glory. I have been feeling a little dowdy lately, uncolourful, insignificant, bland, and yet inside I know there is a beautiful, blossoming butterfly chomping at the bit to get out. I shall keep searching for her, I know she is there, waiting.

Hopefully this pretty hanging patchwork butterfly I made shall inspire me to find her.




I have no roses or wine to thank you for leaving me such uplifting comments or for being my lovely bloggy readers, friends, supporters, and hand holders. Though hope you shall accept a pretty photograph of what I made today, being inspired by your lovely words as my way of saying thank you.




Thank you X


Occasionally, my darling husband comes home with flowers, he does however come home with chocolate, regularly, he now knows Mary without her chocolate, is like a dog without a bone, and he likes a peaceful life ;0) Tonight though, he has bought home something for me that I have had my eye on. It may not be the most exquisite of things, but one I have fancied having for a while. I am not the most domestic of wifes, but now I have one of these, I shall be doing the hoovering way more often....





Have a lovely bank holiday weekend, we are off to the funfair :0)

Hugs all round methinks

X

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Coming To Find You, Ready Or Not....

Ohooo dear I have been here before, and each time I come back again, the feeling grows stronger and stronger. I am not attention seeking, I am not looking for pleeease dont go's and a million comments. I am feeling impulsive. I am hovering over that delete blog button. Have I come to the end of my blog road. Or actually, is the fact that after nearly two years of blogging, and I feel like I am really only at the beginning of my life journey, have I got so much more to give. Have you ever hovered.




I need a kick up the you know whatsit to make me stop feeling so sorry for myself. I feel like my life is like the waltzers, going round, and round, and round, yet I am never really achieving anything. Mondays to Sunday's all merge into one.

Yes, having my family is the greatest gift I have been given, but where am I in all of this. The actress, the air-hostess, the worker, the wage earner, the social lover of parties, high heeling mini skirt wearing lady I kinda loved and knew so well. The lipstick, the nails, the parties are no more. Has she gone never to return. Should I accept who I have become. Is 36 too old to get back on that ladder....

 I am bored, is it so wrong to admit that being only a mummy is making me feel insecure. I need more to make me feel worthwhile, more than a lovely kiss on the forehead every morning and I love yous from the husband.

*sigh* what I need to do is get off here and do something about finding me again. Though if I am honest, I am scared that I wont find her....

If you happen to have a cold, wet fish in your hand, would you kindly and promptly slap me with it, thank you....

X

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Keeping It Real....

I am really enjoying joining in at The Gallery and having super fun looking at everybody's photographs along the way, this weeks prompt was Portraiture. It could be of ones self, one's children, parents,  friends, a partner, whoever. Simply a portrait.

I could have gone for the arty farty black and white portraiture, which actually I love so much, but sometimes it is the ad hoc, the here and now, no set up, no flashing lights and blowing wind through the hair kind of photographs that float my boat. Some of the best photography for me is when it is almost unintentional, spontaneous.

If you have read my post here you would know that we had a difficult journey with my pregnancy and dramatic premature birth of Master P. He was born 11 weeks early weighing 3 lbs 1 oz and was in special care for 44 long days before he happily came home with us. I went into hospital everyday during those 44 days to see him. I had had a section so was sore. I pumped away at home on my b**bies to give him my special milk, I so wanted him there next to me in a little crib to help me get as much milk as I could for him,  all I had was a photograph to look at. I am so proud that my son had only my milk whilst he was in special care, even if it was through a tube for most of that time. I understand too, there are many reasons why women can't/don't want to give their own milk, and we are all within our rights to choose what we want to do. For me, I love to BF :0)

So it brings me on to my portrait, I was forever taking photographs of him in special care, I was often upset, wondering whether he would be alright and come home with us. He was always being poked, prodded, weighed, having bloods taken, it was quite stressful I can tell you. Through the stress, the tears, the what ifs, the pumping, here is my little man keeping it real and showing us what he thought of all the malarkey. This photograph NEVER fails to make me smile. Hope it makes you smile too.






X

Monday, 26 April 2010

Is Size Only A Number....

Hello all, thank you so much for the lovely and inspiring words about my precious and sweet Miss.Poppins I like to think all the world is a rosy place with little fluffy chicks, pink roses, floral floaty dresses, and puppy dog tails ;0) Unfortunately life isn't always like that for me and sometimes we have family bust ups and we shout, we cry, we make up. Hey tis life. I can happily say the daughter and I are back to being bestest friends :0)

I have been pondering again ;0)

I can ponder about all sorts, and as I confess in my about me profile am a deep thinking lady. What I have been pondering about is my post here It got me thinking afterwards that maybe now I have given away as it were, my size, shall I be judged. Do you  think of me any differently now you know I am a size 8. Was it wrong of me to share, would it have made no odds if I confessed I was a size 20. Does size matter, if you are a high powered employer and interviewed, and liked, 2 candidates for the same job, both exceptionally talented individuals, both healthy, happy. But one was a size 20 and one a size 8, would their differing sizes matter to you, would it effect who you rang to offer the job.
I know many bloggers like to be anonymous and I have to say when I read blogs I do have an image in my mind of what I think that person looks like, I wonder how close I would actually be.
I kind of feel that maybe people may think pah she's a size 8, lucky her, and that I must be this happy young lady who can get into her skinnies.
 
Am a happy size 8, actually no I am not. I say this in defence of us size 8s who actually would like to be a little bigger, especially upstairs, as I only wear bra's for special occasion's. Nothing in my opinion looks voluptuous on me and I don't like to see my body in the mirror. I guess what I am trying to say is, it shouldn't matter as long as one is healthy, if one is a 8, 12, 14, 18, 20, 22. Though we all have feelings and thoughts about how we feel about our bodies, and being a number 8 for me does not necessarily = happiness. I am healthy, I have a metabolism like you wouldn't believe, yes I can eat what I want, yes I can get into my skinnies, but do I like my body, no I dont.

Please don't judge my size 8, sometimes we fall out though I have to embrace her, love her and be friends with her, and more importantly learn to accept her.

This house refurbishment I keep on droning on about is taking yonks, and is getting everyone down a little so we have some plasterers coming back in. I of course wanted the money spent going to CyberMummy where I could jig on down with my new mummy pals, hey ho plastering it seems is the priority, boooo gorgeous husband of mine.( Maybe if he sees the gorgeous he shall shall pop some pocket money in my purse ;0)

My crafting business, I can call it that now beacuase I have a P.A., alright he is only 3, but I have employed him, and he is doing really well. He picks up all the little threads, ribbons, buttons that I am forever dropping on the floor whilst I craft, he helps me make up my little tags, wraps pretties, and trundles off with me to the post office carrying my parcels for customers. I think he is very happy with his chocolate button wages too ;0) Well my business brings me in a little wage now, but I am a gal who loves to shop so all my wages go on pretties, not plastering he he.

Hers is a little of what I have been making for customers and what he has been helping me with.









For a very lovely bloggers little man.





     

Showcasing my new Polka Dots And Posies labels, and wait for it, no more pink ;0)




Pretty hearts for a customer who wanted them displayed around her pretty home, delicately scented with lavender.




My little Parisian lavender pillows seem to be flying out, I listed them on Folksy and have had one or two of my Facebook friends want one, they are sweet and remind me of my special honeymoon in Paris :0)




I have also been asked to make some cutesy baby vests with some special personalisation on them, so I am very much looking forward to that. I do think my love of making pretties for children comes possibly form loosing Joshua it is kind of like I am giving something back, if that makes any sense, and by making something lovely for babies and little ones always makes me smile and think of Joshua.

Hope you are all having a lovely Monday, roll on Friday I say, I am not a Monday kind of gal I am afraid to say, always get those Monday blues....

By the way if there is anyone left who hasn't voted in the The Mads 2010  think today is the last day to vote. Well, apparently there was one of you who thought my ickle olde blog was worthy of a nomination and for that I dearly salute you, if any of you think somewhere along the way I have inspired you, please feel free to give me a second vote ;0)  

Take Care ya'll

X




Thursday, 22 April 2010

♥....

I don't like arguments, I hate confrontation, but there sure seems much of it floating about at the Poppins household lately. Today there was a little spat with my 8 year old daughter. A little shouting from her, a lot of shouting from me, many a foot stamped, and tears = one upset 8 year old, and a very upset 36 year old. Both need to cool off a while, I, sit and fester....

She, goes at pick me flowers, her eyes still swollen and puffy, and brings them to me in a pretty jam jar and says....

" Mummy I am sorry"....




I thought I was supposed to be the grown up....

Hugs

X

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

My Guttonous Addiction....

Hello Ma' dears :0) 

Hope you all having a little sunshine where you are. It is glorious here, though a little nippy in the shade. I always feel the cold, though am only ickle, and have pretty much always been an 8/10 dress size, and I am, one would say, quite slight in frame. I am a hyper gal, always on the go, running in, running out of places, and please don't get cross with me, but was one of those that got back in their size 8s weeks after birth. Eeeek maybe I shouldn't have shared that, watch my followers drop ;0) Anyway, maybe tis why I feel it so much.

I have been busy in the sun crafting some pretties for my Folksy shop, I have not long been selling pretties on there, maybe a week, and have already sold two items, the little girls Tee's personalised with their ages, using a lovely old Cath Kidston print. I think they look really sweet, though don't think I shall be making one for myself with my merry age on for all to see ;0) Folksy are doing a little April listing kinda thing where sellers list an item a day for the month of April, which is keeping me very motivated I have to say.

Right, here is my photograph for  The Gallery  hosted at a lovely blog that goes by the name of Sticky Fingers This weeks title was 7 Deadly Sins well there are one   or two  three maybe possibly 4, that I could have chosen, but that would be a whole other blog ;0) So I plumed for Gluttony. I have to say I was getting a little confused between my greeds and my gluttony's, so did a little digging and now realise greed is more to do with money, fame, power, etc and gluttony is to do with food. This seems very poetic as I truly can not get enough of my gluttonous activity. I easily go through a whole tub in one sitting, once that plastic wrapper is peeled back, I am in there, like a dog to a bone. I am addicted to it, and as I have a freezer full of it, has to be Pralines and cream, an expensive habit, at that.

So, here you are my Gluttony Photograph, which refers to the act or practice of eating to excess.




All I can say is good bloomin' job I am an 8/10, as I should probably be the size of a house mountain by now.

What can't you get enough of?

P.S. For you crafty lovers, as ice cream and pretty fabric have come into close contact there in the photograph, I wanted to let you know, no fabric was harmed in the making of this blog post :0)

Hugs

X

Sunday, 18 April 2010

Thank You and A Billy....

What can I say, thank you again lovely friends for the messages, emails, and comments on my last two posts. It means more to me than you shall ever know. It has also made me think about friendships formed on here, and how they really do affect people's lives in a positive way. I am wobbly at the moment, and shall be for a little while longer but I know you are there to help, guide and pick me up when it all gets too much. One thing that upset me very much when I lost Joshua is people, understandably, not being able to talk about it with me. Not knowing what to say for fear of upsetting me. I so wanted to hear his name, I had given birth, I wanted to tell people. Of course, what do you say to someone who has walked out of hospital leaving their sweet baby behind, never to have felt their sweet hot breath against their face. So talking about Joshua with you all, has, and always shall be, very cathartic. I shall carry your beautiful words about him with me forever.

Many of my messages were from lovely blogging ladies, who, like me had lost their own precious sweet babies, or knew of friends and family who had, and also some who were pregnant and wanted to let me know a hug was sent my way. I am truly blessed to have come into contact with you all. Hopefully my sweet Joshua's spirit shall be with you a little while and hopefully I have done good by talking about him.

So what has little olde Mary Poppins been upto.

 Take one Billy....Hmmmm, nice, but not really doing it for me....




Ahhh, that is better.... 






Very pretty....and nearly there.




Lovely tins from Tesco, thanks for the heads up Elaine :0)....for my ribbons and things....




Perfect, now I have somewhere pretty to store some of my (spare ;0) fabric... Let me know if any of you have prettied up your Billy's. I would love to see them.

I shall leave you with a photograph of myself....Thank you SO much dearest friend for my lovely surprise gift. She/I has pride of place in my home, we all love her. You have touched me with your thoughtfulness and kindness.





Hugs, and spit spot everyone....

X

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Life Is The Greatest Joy Of All....

What can I say, I am truly, truly grateful to each and every one of you for leaving me your special comments. What has been so nice too, is meeting some new blogger friends as well, thank you for accepting me into the *fold* as it were. I spent some time thanking you all personally on your blogs, so please know that your comment meant so much to me. Here are some flowers to thank you all....






So, where do we go from here. I know there are some blogs right now, like me, thinking about the slotting in business and where ones blog fits in, in the blogosphere. Well for now, I shall do what I do, write, take pretty photographs, talk about my family, my crafts and all things inbetween. Hey, maybe I could make up my own category of blog, The Inbetweeny blog category, would you tick the box for that one ;0)

It seems very apt after my previous post, to submit my photograph to The Gallery where every week a  prompt, an idea, or notion is given and one has to post a photograph that one feels represents that prompt. This weeks prompt is Joy .

May I first share a little of my life with you, would that be alright. Helps to build a story around why this photograph means so much. 
 
When I lost my baby, like otrhers who have been in the same boat I really did want to get pregnant again. Of course in hind site, I understand my thought process. I wanted my baby back, desperately, and by filling my womb again, he would be back there with me somehow. Bizarre, I know. When I was physically, and emotionally ready to try again for another baby. We did. We struck lucky and within 8 months of loosing Joshua, on Valentine's day 2006 I found out I was pregnant. Did I smile, a little, did I cry, yes. I was a little scared, what had I done, this was not going to be an easy ride, I knew it....
 
Straight away I was seen by my super, super consultant, and was popped on the high risk pregnancy category. I had a scan at 6 weeks where options were discussed, and it was felt that my first goal was to get past 14 weeks. I did, but not without maybe 10 appointments at the EPAU. I bled, twice was admitted thinking I was having a miscarriage. Yet, there he was, my little man, at 14 weeks with a strong heart beat and safe and well. Now, my next goal was 20 weeks, I say this in weeks but really for me it was days, every day I thought I was going to loose him. I can say it now, but I never tuly bonded with my baby whilst I was pregnant with him. I was too scared too. My pregnancy was not too good, I was in and out of my local hospital more times than I can remember, I was given twice, sometimes once, weekly cervical scans aswell as the normal scans to see how my cervix was behaving. 20 odd scans later, I got to 24 weeks, and all seemed well.
 
My consultant was happy to not see me for a while. This didn't sit comfortably with me. Mother's intuition maybe. When I was pregnant with Joshua I knew I would never be bringing him home with me, I knew it. Yet I  had no reason to think it, as Miss. Poppins had been born at 38 weeks. Anyway I asked my consultant for a cervical scan in two weeks time, and of course for my peace of mind, he agreed. Thank god he did. My baby was ready to come at 26 weeks. As soon as he examined my cervix at 26 weeks, I could tell by the look on his face. So I was then popped off to theatre where they put an emergency stitch in my womb to keep him in there as long as possible, ideally 37 weeks.
 
He was a good boy and did do his best, and managed 3 very important weeks with me. At 29 weeks I went into labour. I was taken by ambulance to a hospital that had the facilities to cope with such a premature baby. When I got to the hospital, things settled and my darling husband was sent home. Big mistake, as after he had gone baby was on his way. He literally had stepped through the front door of our home, 30 minutes or so from the hospital and he was called back. I felt so alone, I had no one to cuddle, my lovely family had driven up from wales to take care of Miss. Poppins, and I so wanted my husband there, my rock in times of crisis. With baby being transverse in position, a section was agreed. All a blur to me. Everyone, in hindsight, looked a little panicky, especially the midwife who had greeted me on arrival at the hospital and was then my named midwife. Fate is a funny thing, as it was this lovely lady, M, who had delivered Joshua, a little over a year ago in a room not far down the corridor. She was so nice and asked that a different midwife could be with me if I prefered, but I wanted her there, she had been so gentle with me when delivering Joshua. 
 
I was whisked down to theatre, husband speedily on way. They needed to act quick, so I needed to be put to sleep. I did not know what was going to be the outcome.... 
 
I woke up, again, all a blur. I saw my sweet husband's face. He was smiling :0)
 
He had got there as they were wheeling my beautiful precious, 3lb 1oz boy out of theatre. He was alive, alive I tell you. I cried for joy Yes he was small, yes we had a rocky road ahead of us in the SCBU, but by jove he was alive and that was the main thing. I am so so, aware now of how precious life is. Boy, girl, big, small, dark, blonde, it does not matter. To have a baby born, alive, well, breathing, warm, is the greatest JOY on earth.
 
Here is my photograph for the gallery, my gift, my joy, my love, my little man. A photograph I took, when he finally come home. Aged 44 days.
 

 
 
 
Hugs
 
X

Thursday, 8 April 2010

Hello....

Hello lovely readers, I really hope you have had a relaxing time this Easter. I have been to ing and fro ing like a little yo yo from various locations this Easter, and am glad to be home, though has been lovely seeing all the family and stuffing my face with all manner of chocolate eggs.

So what has been going on in the Poppins household. Well, we have climbed mountains

We have had little boys who locked themselves in toilets.




Which meant we had these lovely chaps coming out to save him....
I have to say the fireman were lovely, and ever so helpul even fixing the door they had to break to get to Master P.




 I had telephoned the stations number to ask about breaking a latch safely from the outside and they said I really should have dialed 999, and a fire crew was sent out to save Master Poppins, who by now had maybe in the loo for nearly an hour. Of course the rescued chappie had to have a little go.





 They let him *drive* the engine, wear the special helmet, they showed him them their special fire equipment and even let him talk down the radio to station command. Hmmmm anyone think Master P shall be getting himself locked in again ;0)

The fire service do a wonderful job and the friends and family of these two fireman are in my thoughts and prayers.

The night before this we had been to the hospital with him to get a non blanching rash checked out, it wasn't disappearing using the tumbler test, though he was very well. The doctor said we were right to get it checked, gave him the thumbs up and said sometimes there rashes appear for no known reason. Anyway we were all rather tired the next day so could have done without the locked in toilet scenario, but hey ho, sometimes you never know what each day in your life is going to bring. And I guess you have to roll with it.

Talking of Master P, some of you lovely readers have asked about my childrens *careers* and like to know what they get up to, which is lovely. Master P had a lovely little job on location in Didsbury  I have to say when the agency ring and say is on loction at a house near.... I smile. Don't you love looking round people's lovely houses I do, for inspiration of course, not sheer nosiness ;0) Anyway the house in Didsbury was beautiful, so chic and had some wonderful artifacts in it, which I believe were used in some of the shots that were taken of Master P. The owner came back after a couple of hours and it was lovely chatting with her, whilst Master Poppins was having his photographs taken. She was telling me about all the famous people that have been to her house and what her house has been used for. Hmmm would any of you use your home for location film/photographic work I wonder.

Anyway, the publication that the shoot was for, is a lovely magazine called Mumsense and I have to say was a very nice way to while away a couple or 3 hours. I can't get the magazine up here, and I would be very grateful if any of you Southern readers of mine, keep an eye out for me. I believe one can get it in Waitrose and is a free publication. It really is a waiting game to see if any of the shots they took of him go to print, it also, could possibly have been a test shoot. How lovely it would be if one of you clocked him before me. Please keep your eyes peeled for something with hair like this, wearing a shirt like this....and/or maybe a scarf or two ;0)




I was out one day over Easter, and saw some items being sold using the name Vintage Daisy, so am now thinking of having an overhaul of my crafty name. There are so many crafting names I find that are similar, understandable really as similar items are made, but I am struggling to find something individual and unique. I am also doing some organising of my pretties. My crafty area is looking a little cough, cough, disorganised, and the husband, kindly, has said that seeing as we have yet to get on with the pretty pretty aspect of doing up our home, one more wall knocked down won't make much difference. There is already a workshop that is attatched to the side of the kitchen, and could easily be made into a room. So, soon, well, could be anything from a couple of weeks to years going at our rate, I may actually have a proper crafty space, and Master P can move into his bedroom.

 I am really enjoying selling my pretties through Facebook and having some lovely chit chat with my friends on there, which I know are some of you too. I have come back to a busy schedule of crafting, which is lovely and certainly keeps me busy.

My "LOVE" bunting is proving quite popular, seems we can have many things in our life, but love seems to be an important and special gift to have.




I have my first craft club at the youth group, next week, to organise too. The older girls, especially, want to make something, hip, cool, trendy, fun. Eeeek better get my thinking cap on, or indeed you could, and help me out maybe, what do 13 year old crafty girls like?

Right better go and make friends with my chine again :0)

Hugs and love

Me XX