What can I say, I am truly, truly grateful to each and every one of you for leaving me your special comments. What has been so nice too, is meeting some new blogger friends as well, thank you for accepting me into the *fold* as it were. I spent some time thanking you all personally on your blogs, so please know that your comment meant so much to me. Here are some flowers to thank you all....
So, where do we go from here. I know there are some blogs right now, like me, thinking about the slotting in business and where ones blog fits in, in the blogosphere. Well for now, I shall do what I do, write, take pretty photographs, talk about my family, my crafts and all things inbetween. Hey, maybe I could make up my own category of blog, The Inbetweeny blog category, would you tick the box for that one ;0)
It seems very apt after my previous post, to submit my photograph to The Gallery where every week a prompt, an idea, or notion is given and one has to post a photograph that one feels represents that prompt. This weeks prompt is Joy .
May I first share a little of my life with you, would that be alright. Helps to build a story around why this photograph means so much.
When I lost my baby, like otrhers who have been in the same boat I really did want to get pregnant again. Of course in hind site, I understand my thought process. I wanted my baby back, desperately, and by filling my womb again, he would be back there with me somehow. Bizarre, I know. When I was physically, and emotionally ready to try again for another baby. We did. We struck lucky and within 8 months of loosing Joshua, on Valentine's day 2006 I found out I was pregnant. Did I smile, a little, did I cry, yes. I was a little scared, what had I done, this was not going to be an easy ride, I knew it....
Straight away I was seen by my super, super consultant, and was popped on the high risk pregnancy category. I had a scan at 6 weeks where options were discussed, and it was felt that my first goal was to get past 14 weeks. I did, but not without maybe 10 appointments at the EPAU. I bled, twice was admitted thinking I was having a miscarriage. Yet, there he was, my little man, at 14 weeks with a strong heart beat and safe and well. Now, my next goal was 20 weeks, I say this in weeks but really for me it was days, every day I thought I was going to loose him. I can say it now, but I never tuly bonded with my baby whilst I was pregnant with him. I was too scared too. My pregnancy was not too good, I was in and out of my local hospital more times than I can remember, I was given twice, sometimes once, weekly cervical scans aswell as the normal scans to see how my cervix was behaving. 20 odd scans later, I got to 24 weeks, and all seemed well.
My consultant was happy to not see me for a while. This didn't sit comfortably with me. Mother's intuition maybe. When I was pregnant with Joshua I knew I would never be bringing him home with me, I knew it. Yet I had no reason to think it, as Miss. Poppins had been born at 38 weeks. Anyway I asked my consultant for a cervical scan in two weeks time, and of course for my peace of mind, he agreed. Thank god he did. My baby was ready to come at 26 weeks. As soon as he examined my cervix at 26 weeks, I could tell by the look on his face. So I was then popped off to theatre where they put an emergency stitch in my womb to keep him in there as long as possible, ideally 37 weeks.
He was a good boy and did do his best, and managed 3 very important weeks with me. At 29 weeks I went into labour. I was taken by ambulance to a hospital that had the facilities to cope with such a premature baby. When I got to the hospital, things settled and my darling husband was sent home. Big mistake, as after he had gone baby was on his way. He literally had stepped through the front door of our home, 30 minutes or so from the hospital and he was called back. I felt so alone, I had no one to cuddle, my lovely family had driven up from wales to take care of Miss. Poppins, and I so wanted my husband there, my rock in times of crisis. With baby being transverse in position, a section was agreed. All a blur to me. Everyone, in hindsight, looked a little panicky, especially the midwife who had greeted me on arrival at the hospital and was then my named midwife. Fate is a funny thing, as it was this lovely lady, M, who had delivered Joshua, a little over a year ago in a room not far down the corridor. She was so nice and asked that a different midwife could be with me if I prefered, but I wanted her there, she had been so gentle with me when delivering Joshua.
I was whisked down to theatre, husband speedily on way. They needed to act quick, so I needed to be put to sleep. I did not know what was going to be the outcome....
I woke up, again, all a blur. I saw my sweet husband's face. He was smiling :0)
He had got there as they were wheeling my beautiful precious, 3lb 1oz boy out of theatre. He was alive, alive I tell you. I cried for joy Yes he was small, yes we had a rocky road ahead of us in the SCBU, but by jove he was alive and that was the main thing. I am so so, aware now of how precious life is. Boy, girl, big, small, dark, blonde, it does not matter. To have a baby born, alive, well, breathing, warm, is the greatest JOY on earth.
Here is my photograph for the gallery, my gift, my joy, my love, my little man. A photograph I took, when he finally come home. Aged 44 days.