Thursday, 15 April 2010

Life Is The Greatest Joy Of All....

What can I say, I am truly, truly grateful to each and every one of you for leaving me your special comments. What has been so nice too, is meeting some new blogger friends as well, thank you for accepting me into the *fold* as it were. I spent some time thanking you all personally on your blogs, so please know that your comment meant so much to me. Here are some flowers to thank you all....






So, where do we go from here. I know there are some blogs right now, like me, thinking about the slotting in business and where ones blog fits in, in the blogosphere. Well for now, I shall do what I do, write, take pretty photographs, talk about my family, my crafts and all things inbetween. Hey, maybe I could make up my own category of blog, The Inbetweeny blog category, would you tick the box for that one ;0)

It seems very apt after my previous post, to submit my photograph to The Gallery where every week a  prompt, an idea, or notion is given and one has to post a photograph that one feels represents that prompt. This weeks prompt is Joy .

May I first share a little of my life with you, would that be alright. Helps to build a story around why this photograph means so much. 
 
When I lost my baby, like otrhers who have been in the same boat I really did want to get pregnant again. Of course in hind site, I understand my thought process. I wanted my baby back, desperately, and by filling my womb again, he would be back there with me somehow. Bizarre, I know. When I was physically, and emotionally ready to try again for another baby. We did. We struck lucky and within 8 months of loosing Joshua, on Valentine's day 2006 I found out I was pregnant. Did I smile, a little, did I cry, yes. I was a little scared, what had I done, this was not going to be an easy ride, I knew it....
 
Straight away I was seen by my super, super consultant, and was popped on the high risk pregnancy category. I had a scan at 6 weeks where options were discussed, and it was felt that my first goal was to get past 14 weeks. I did, but not without maybe 10 appointments at the EPAU. I bled, twice was admitted thinking I was having a miscarriage. Yet, there he was, my little man, at 14 weeks with a strong heart beat and safe and well. Now, my next goal was 20 weeks, I say this in weeks but really for me it was days, every day I thought I was going to loose him. I can say it now, but I never tuly bonded with my baby whilst I was pregnant with him. I was too scared too. My pregnancy was not too good, I was in and out of my local hospital more times than I can remember, I was given twice, sometimes once, weekly cervical scans aswell as the normal scans to see how my cervix was behaving. 20 odd scans later, I got to 24 weeks, and all seemed well.
 
My consultant was happy to not see me for a while. This didn't sit comfortably with me. Mother's intuition maybe. When I was pregnant with Joshua I knew I would never be bringing him home with me, I knew it. Yet I  had no reason to think it, as Miss. Poppins had been born at 38 weeks. Anyway I asked my consultant for a cervical scan in two weeks time, and of course for my peace of mind, he agreed. Thank god he did. My baby was ready to come at 26 weeks. As soon as he examined my cervix at 26 weeks, I could tell by the look on his face. So I was then popped off to theatre where they put an emergency stitch in my womb to keep him in there as long as possible, ideally 37 weeks.
 
He was a good boy and did do his best, and managed 3 very important weeks with me. At 29 weeks I went into labour. I was taken by ambulance to a hospital that had the facilities to cope with such a premature baby. When I got to the hospital, things settled and my darling husband was sent home. Big mistake, as after he had gone baby was on his way. He literally had stepped through the front door of our home, 30 minutes or so from the hospital and he was called back. I felt so alone, I had no one to cuddle, my lovely family had driven up from wales to take care of Miss. Poppins, and I so wanted my husband there, my rock in times of crisis. With baby being transverse in position, a section was agreed. All a blur to me. Everyone, in hindsight, looked a little panicky, especially the midwife who had greeted me on arrival at the hospital and was then my named midwife. Fate is a funny thing, as it was this lovely lady, M, who had delivered Joshua, a little over a year ago in a room not far down the corridor. She was so nice and asked that a different midwife could be with me if I prefered, but I wanted her there, she had been so gentle with me when delivering Joshua. 
 
I was whisked down to theatre, husband speedily on way. They needed to act quick, so I needed to be put to sleep. I did not know what was going to be the outcome.... 
 
I woke up, again, all a blur. I saw my sweet husband's face. He was smiling :0)
 
He had got there as they were wheeling my beautiful precious, 3lb 1oz boy out of theatre. He was alive, alive I tell you. I cried for joy Yes he was small, yes we had a rocky road ahead of us in the SCBU, but by jove he was alive and that was the main thing. I am so so, aware now of how precious life is. Boy, girl, big, small, dark, blonde, it does not matter. To have a baby born, alive, well, breathing, warm, is the greatest JOY on earth.
 
Here is my photograph for the gallery, my gift, my joy, my love, my little man. A photograph I took, when he finally come home. Aged 44 days.
 

 
 
 
Hugs
 
X

47 comments:

  1. A beautiful story Mary, and a photo to treasure along with your precious son.

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  2. You are in my prayers,
    My heart goes out to you and your family...i know exactly how you feel i went through similar experiences with my sweet sisters,knowing that each heart breaking experience is always unique to the mother.
    Bless your heart and bless your family and sweetest thoughts to baby Joshua xxxxxx
    Could you pop over to my blog and help?

    Love and wishes Kristina XxX

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  3. Thank you from the bottom of my heart,you are amazing!
    Love the twitter idea,thank you and yes please use the picture and thank you so much for what you have done.
    I forgot to add the picture on your post is so beautiful a pure sweet angel, i kissed him and i am lighting a candle for him and you also.
    Love and blessings Kristina XxX

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  4. Thank you for sharing your story, it reminds me to be more patient with my lively little man and my somewhat annoying almost teenager... they are so very precious.... big hugs to you and your wonderful family

    x Alex

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  5. Beautiful hunny....
    Hugs
    Karen x x x

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  6. Well Mary, you made me cry again!

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  7. That is a beautiful story!! You are brave to share it with us!!! I am pleased that it turned out well this time!!! Master P must have been really tiny, my little Lee was 3lb 11oz and he was tiny!!! I truly hope you are feeling a little brighter now though!!!
    Loving thoughts!!
    xxxx

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  8. just simply amazing..the courage of both of your boys
    im crying again mrs poppins.. you do realise this is bad for the ageing process!!!!!!!

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  9. A truly sad story, and yes you were very brave to share it, Master P was so cute.

    Hugs RosieP x

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  10. Mary I am gulping back sobs here xxx
    Although I took nothing for granted in my last pregnancy, and it wasn't an easy ride, it was nothing, nothing at all compared to what you went through.
    Such a beautifully written post M, sending lots of love xxxxxxxx

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  11. I'm crying again, but tears of joy for you,
    joy xxx

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  12. You make us cry, you make us smile and you definitely make me laugh. I am so pleased and honoured to 'know' you Mrs P.xx

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  13. What a beautiful post and what a gorgeous baby!
    Many hugs to you!!!
    xxx

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  14. Such a beautiful photo of O :)
    Thank you for sharing yours, and his story xx

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  15. Thank you so much for sharing your story and photos. I think it's really brave of you to be able to talk about it.

    XxX

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  16. A beautiful post Mary , have been reading them all just not always got the right words to respond x x x

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  17. He is just beautiful and you are so brave to share it with us all.
    Take care of yourself love Lesley.x

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  18. Lovely story - your story will give so much hope to others who have had this happen.

    I nearly stopped blogging as I don't feel my blog "fits in". I worry that my stroke which has been devastating has consumed me and that I will end up going on about it too much in my blog:)

    But I have made some lovely friends blogging and still they stick by me! (As I would them!)

    Keep writing Mary just as you are - your honesty shines through and it is why folks come here.
    L.x.

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  19. Hi, I have just spent a lovely but ellicit hour reading and looking through your blog, an hour very well spent,i add! I have two sons ,1 adopted son ,1 birth son , we were desperae for a family ( both of us had cancer and recovered,thank god..) and after 9 long years of marriage adopted our special son and after 13 years ,our 2nd miracle baby came along naturaly.. so I know how very very precious miracle children are ,and my heart goes out to you over your devasting loss of your son..... love your deeply honest ,open hearted blog, and glad to have found some one who shares my likes ,loves and little(many!)pleasures, bestest wishes,Linda

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  20. Thank you for your lovely comment on my blog Mary (((hugs))) I wish neither of us had need to understand the pain and the need we are left with but it is always good to know that someone else understands.
    I got pregnant after losing my second son very very quickly, in hindsight it was too quickly as I hadn't given myself any proper time to grieve. You can imagine how many pieces my heart exploded into when they told me my growing baby had died inside me. Fortunately they were wrong (I can still hear the registrar ripping shreds off the young Dr who had told me my child had died) that baby is now 9 years old and my little miracle.
    That is a precious picture thank you again for sharing.
    ((((big big hugs)))))

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  21. What an absolute darling!
    Your story is similar to mine - a miscarriage (although mine was at only 14 weeks), followed by a difficult "hit & miss" pregnancy which produced my gorgeous, but early, boy too.

    Jayne

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  22. My gosh what a story. What a difficult time for you.

    And what a beautiful baby!

    Lisa xo

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  23. Beautiful....I can only imagine how hard this part of the year is for you....my prayers are with you and your family...your boys are gorgeous.....

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  24. Wow. What a story and what a photo. Stunning.

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  25. Very happy that everything went well this time . I agree that no joy can compare with the birth of a baby. I have two... they are big kids now, both at university. And I love them to pieces!

    I think my blog is all over the place too. Don't really know what category I fit in, so I will happily join your "inbetweeny" group. :-)

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  26. I've just read both of your posts and feel honoured that you have shared it with us.

    Both of your boys are so loved.

    xxx

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  27. Keep an eye out for the postie! Hope you like ;-)

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  28. What a beautiful post & so brave to share it on your blog xxxx

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  29. A beautiful post and an absolutely gorgeous photo. Huge squishy hugs, joy indeed. xx

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  30. Lovely picture - life takes many unexpected turns as your story shows. After many years trying everything invented, I was told I would not be able to have children then both my boys were concieved when I gave up all hope. We came close to losing our oldest at 9 months. It seems there is never joy without some battle scars to show for earning it!

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  31. Oh Mary I missed your last sad post. I'm so sorry for all you have been through and are still dealing with. It must be one of the hardest things in life.

    I'm so glad you next wee man made it, he must be a very strong little lad.

    Pregnancies are meant to be such special times, but to have to worry about your baby every moment of the day must be just awful. I'm sending huge hugs for you, love to you Mary. xxx

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  32. Thank you for sharing such a precious time. The photo is wonderful, you could have posters made of it! Love your Blog, whatever the post is about, I hope it becomes exactly what you want it to be. Or just evolves on its own, does'nt matter, its great!

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  33. oh my goodness what a fab, sad, tense, happy account of what you have been through. That picture is just gorgeous!

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  34. A beautiful photo, thanks for sharing. x

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  35. What a gorgeous boy! Your children are all beautiful!
    Thank you for sharing your story with us Mary xxxx

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  36. What a beautiful post and what a beautiful picture too! You are right, it is a joy! Thank you for coming and thanking me....It meant such a lot to me. :) suzie xxx

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  37. mary,
    what a beautiful and courageous story. the photograph of mr. poppins should be submitted to anne geddes it is so beautiful.

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  38. I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes you lovely lady , beautifully said and little man looks so cute in that pic :) x

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  39. He is a beautiful joy, such a precious photo.

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  40. What a story! And what a cute photo!

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  41. You are blessed. You are strong. You have the courage of a lioness. You are wonderful. (your hubby too).

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  42. Oh I only just noticed I'd missed this post.
    It was such a beautiful hopeful tale and what a happy ending.
    Hugs to you and the little Poppins
    Em xx

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  43. What a journey you have been on. I will be praying for you and your family.The photo of your son is beautiful. Have a great week my prayers are with you. Englishteacup(Lynne)

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  44. what a truly moving, beautiful post.
    BH x

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  45. hugs xxx
    that photo brought many tears to my eyes - to hold our babies in our arms is the greatest gift of all

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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. X